Use People Strategically
The correct, polite term for “use people” would be “co-exist.” But literally, every one of us will, in some way, use somebody, or even a company to achieve something in life, career, or relationships. For example (not me), individual A constantly praises and sweet-talks Reporting Manager B to gain attention and secure a higher salary. ← I don't do this low-life behaviour. Another example (me): I put myself in a new circle of financially literate friends so I could learn more about profit compounding—benefiting from the circle, I am now financially comfortable.
My term 'use people' is not manipulative; it's more of a win-win situation, like symbiosis, if you get what I mean.
People exist in many types
Like Pokémon, which exist in 18 types, the same goes for humans. Over the last 4–5 years, I discovered MBTI, which categorizes people into 16 personality types and fairly predictable patterns. Learn more about this [HERE]. About 2–3 years ago, a friend introduced me to something even deeper: personal attachment styles. This shit right here categorizes how adults handle intimacy and conflict, which is subconsciously rooted during childhood. Learn more about it [HERE], but personally, I don't do intimacy and will avoid conflicts when it gets emotional and petty.
Like Pokémon, which exist in 18 types, the same goes for humans. Over the last 4–5 years, I discovered MBTI, which categorizes people into 16 personality types and fairly predictable patterns. Learn more about this [HERE]. About 2–3 years ago, a friend introduced me to something even deeper: personal attachment styles. This shit right here categorizes how adults handle intimacy and conflict, which is subconsciously rooted during childhood. Learn more about it [HERE], but personally, I don't do intimacy and will avoid conflicts when it gets emotional and petty.
My point is, there are different personality types, and you should approach people differently depending on the situation in life and your specific needs. You can’t expect everyone to understand you or treat you the way you want, because we are all unique. Also, it’s very noob of you to expect too much from a mere mortal; expectations kill and leave you brokenhearted. But yeah, natural selection.
Recognize the patterns and strategize
Life is a strategy game, and our choices determine where we end up. Have you heard “work smart > work hard”? This is the kind of shit I want to frame your thinking around. Come on. If you play chess, you learn how the knight, bishop, and pawn move before you can use them to win. So why don’t you do the same with real humans? Duh. "But humans have feelings..." Duhh. Then use them respectfully. Ada aku cakap gunakan orang macam gunakan peralatan ke?
Life is a strategy game, and our choices determine where we end up. Have you heard “work smart > work hard”? This is the kind of shit I want to frame your thinking around. Come on. If you play chess, you learn how the knight, bishop, and pawn move before you can use them to win. So why don’t you do the same with real humans? Duh. "But humans have feelings..." Duhh. Then use them respectfully. Ada aku cakap gunakan orang macam gunakan peralatan ke?
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| Random: Take a time to appreciate my Gunpla builds. |
F (feeling) people, T (thinking) people
Different people have different brain wiring. Some prioritize logic and are less emotionally sensitive (T people), while others prioritize value and experience emotions more strongly (F people). I know it’s not always easy to tell what type of person someone is, especially if you haven’t known them for very long. This paragraph is intended as a guide for when you’ve spent enough time with someone to recognize whether they lean more toward Feeling (F) or Thinking (T). Knowing this can help you better anticipate the kind of feedback they’ll give, and save you from unnecessary disappointment when expectations don’t align.Take me as an example: I’m a T person. I tend to approach conversations logically. I can sympathize with others, but often I have to consciously act empathetic. When things go wrong, I process the emotional part quickly and focus on solutions, because emotions naturally carry less weight for me. This is how my brain is wired. So, if you’re an F person, know that I might not relate emotionally or give the feedback you’re hoping for. Logical, analytical solutions? Absolutely. Emotional validation? I’m sorry in advance if I fall short.
In conclusion:
Need advice on logical problem-solving? Go to T people.
Want to be heard and ease emotional stress? Talk to F people.
Using people also means letting people use you
Career-wise, if you are useful, people/the company will keep you around. This sounds harsh, but it is how the real world transacts. You do not need to be liked. You just need to know your worth. For me, skills, perspective, access, emotional regulation, and execution speed; these are my currencies. If you have none, you become the background NPC. But if you have one or two, suddenly people invite you into rooms you were never meant to enter.
Career-wise, if you are useful, people/the company will keep you around. This sounds harsh, but it is how the real world transacts. You do not need to be liked. You just need to know your worth. For me, skills, perspective, access, emotional regulation, and execution speed; these are my currencies. If you have none, you become the background NPC. But if you have one or two, suddenly people invite you into rooms you were never meant to enter.
This is why self-improvement works. Not because of self-love bullshit, but because usefulness compounds. People who complain about being used are usually upset that they were disposable. Fix the input, not the outcome. Hahahahha, the way I'm writing this made me sound cruel.
Be honest about the transactions
The fastest way to become manipulative is to lie to yourself about why you are there.
The fastest way to become manipulative is to lie to yourself about why you are there.
If you are in a friendship for learning/skills upkeeping, say it to them. For real, I would like to thank Hilman for teaching me 4 years ago how to benefit from using a credit card. Again, Hilman, Thaqif, and Alex for the indie web-apps/app collab with my UX/UI designs in it. Alex and Kyla for being a good plant parent support system. Fei for coffee support. Peng Chee for the kino, gunpla kit and keebs stuff. Tira for mental decluttering support, and many more friends I have, which I don't list here, you know who you are. There is also that travel friend who is usually too lazy to read any screenshot with long text, so I highly doubt they will read this… but thanks a tonne anyway.
If you are networking for access, own it. If you are dating for companionship but not commitment, do not cosplay emotional depth. Most conflicts come from hidden contracts (E.g. meeting people on bumble but actually recruiting people for some sus MLM/schemes). You thought it was mutual growth. They thought it was unconditional loyalty. This is actually a drama in the making.
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| Ran Out of Contextual Photos: Excuse the out-of-context image. |
Clear intention reduce resentments. On both sides
Time horizons matter more than intentions (at least I feel like this). Some people are good for a season. Some are good for a decade. Some are only good in a crisis. Stop forcing long-term expectations onto short-term characters. That colleague who is great for execution might be terrible for emotional support (me). That friend who listens well might be not what you'd expect when action is required. So, lower your expectations, please.
Time horizons matter more than intentions (at least I feel like this). Some people are good for a season. Some are good for a decade. Some are only good in a crisis. Stop forcing long-term expectations onto short-term characters. That colleague who is great for execution might be terrible for emotional support (me). That friend who listens well might be not what you'd expect when action is required. So, lower your expectations, please.
Match people to timeframes. Not everyone needs lifetime access to you. Know when to exit without ending a friendship (lol). I made this twice in life so far.
Outgrowing people is normal. Announcing it – optional
Actually, you don't need anyone's validation to be 'You'. You just need to seek Allah's 'Keredhaan'. You do not need closure speeches. You do not need to justify your evolution. Reduce exposure, reduce dependency, stay polite, move on. Welp, the cleanest exits are boring ones. I chase an impactful, graceful exit. But beware for red flags!
Red flags when co-existing goes wrong
- You are doing all the adapting
- You feel drained but not improved
- The relationship only works when you lower your standards
- You keep explaining yourself instead of being understood (varies person to person, i don't care if you don't understand me)
At that point, it is no longer symbiosis. It is a charity.
Final uncomfortable truth
You cannot be morally pure and strategically effective at the same time. You pick a balance. Co-existing is not about exploiting. It is about alignment. When alignment ends, pretending otherwise is just self-betrayal with good manners (damn, I do sound philosophical). Natural selection does not care about intentions. Only outcomes.
You cannot be morally pure and strategically effective at the same time. You pick a balance. Co-existing is not about exploiting. It is about alignment. When alignment ends, pretending otherwise is just self-betrayal with good manners (damn, I do sound philosophical). Natural selection does not care about intentions. Only outcomes.